To Brian

I’m so sorry I betrayed you tonight,
Left you stranded in the wilderness
Whilst I admired the new love I found
A tad less tarnished, with additional features glimmering.
I feel your disappointment- tangible, justifiable,
Your destiny is in my hands.

Remember when we met? I shook hands
with the man and said “I will take him tonight”,
The pleasure I felt made the cost justifiable,
And together we drove to our home in the wilderness
to enjoy simple times, love of life glimmering,
impatient and hungry for all we found?

I wonder, when you leave, whether you will have found
a stronger, more able pair of hands
to restore you to your former glimmering,
I will make you comfortable for tonight,
in the familiar wilderness,
and hope you are consoled, your hurt justifiable.

It might be some little while before you forgive me,
for discarding the familiarity we found,
leaving us both in a new wilderness,
One last journey, and the future not in our hands.
I wonder if you will want to see me tonight?
whilst my heart beat is quickened, my eyes glimmering .

Maybe when you are in a good place – glimmering,
you will reflect on this and find it justifiable,
and you will remember the good times. But tonight,
do not try to understand the new love I have found,
Tonight, I am Judas, Ephialtes, blood on my hands,
Next to you in the wilderness.

One more night in our shared wilderness
your faded colour faintly glimmering,
I reach out and touch your warm body with my hands,
If you pulled away it would be justifiable.
More than thirty years of service and tears are all you’ve found,
but know in your soul, I still love you tonight.

Two old hands in the wilderness
where tonight your lights are glimmering,
Justifiable sadness, but a new beginning , and new love to be found.


Published by

Julia Dean-Richards

Julia is a writer and performer living in the Shropshire hills. Her writing is a product and expression of the love she has found whilst journeying through the most difficult times of her life.

5 thoughts on “To Brian”

  1. That is so sad. And just when I am rediscovering something from nearly half a century ago. I wish you both the best. You in particular, since you ever were one of my fave WP correspondents.

      1. So what happened to the campervan? Dead or replaced? I get the sense of loss about inanimate things, especially vehicles. I still miss Bloody Mary after 20 odd years.
        I was projecting a bit I know, but I didn’t want sadness at a time when I’m happy.

  2. a part of me wants to know what drives the poet with this one.. but instead, I find myself reading and rereading and FEELING the history, the love of 30 years. The ache, sadness, the glimmer…the sweet love.
    ( this is why you are a great poet)

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